The worst pain is not hearing I love you When you don’t say it back after 2 years in the tracks That big stain on the couch I keep meaning To wash it bleach, can we set a date next week My heart breaks when you talk about attraction Can you keep that to yourself, anticipate my reaction But I can’t stay mad for more than 10 seconds I turn around to wipe my tears in your direction And I don’t know where this came from This is the life that you and I created And just 2 hours before it all started You called me to check in I was in the car and You asked me what I needed I told you nothing But ask me today I need some lovin’ You need some space I need some closeness We both need some help Let me make an appointment It’s a cyclical thing, but the waiting’s getting longer The events are spread out, but the truth is getting harder I’ve made a plan and I think that’s the problem I’m trying to fix what I can’t even follow If it doesn’t go away, babe I’m here for the ride Let me sit next to you, let me be by your side And it’s not about the drinking this time It’s the pain underneath, it’s the cold world outside And I don’t know where this came from This is the life that you and I created And just 2 hours before it all started You called me to check in I was in the car and You asked me what I needed I told you nothing But ask me today I need some lovin’ You need some space I need some closeness We both need some help Let me make an appointment And it’s hard not to feel like the victim this time Getting stepped on again, getting shoved out the side You’re my best friend, you know, only my lover part-time And it hurts like hell, babe, it’s like you’ve canceled the phone line And then you walk in the door, and I'm ready for you to apologize And then you fall on the couch, and I run to your side And I beg you to let me just hold you this time So I can sing you to sleep, wipe the tears from your eyes And I don’t know where this came from This is the life that you and I created And just 2 hours before it all started You called me to check in I was in the car and You asked me what I needed I told you nothing But ask me today I need some lovin’ You need some space I need some closeness We both need some help Let me make an appointment

I've been thinking about my car I've been thinking about the driver's seat And what it's meant to me I've been thinking about how you broke my heart From the moment that I picked you up somewhere near Halsey Street You never liked this car And you never liked my driving I was always over way too far And I went right over the potholes And I never used cruise control And here are the moments that I can't stop thinking about These are the moments that made us And I close my eyes and I turn to the right And I see that you've fallen asleep It feels like I'm driving back home to Montgomery Street I want to dial your number, go home to you But instead I go into the glove box And take out the Parliaments that I fucking stole from you We were in the back seat of your parents' car You were so happy to have me back You took my hand and I knew that this was gonna last I felt it in your arms, my heart was on the farm Now I'm driving on the island We did this drive so many times From Great Neck to Soho in 26 minutes This city was our playground with nobody in it And here are the moments that I can't stop thinking about These are the moments that made us And I close my eyes and I turn to the right And I see that you've fallen asleep It feels like I'm driving back home to Montgomery Street I want to dial your number, go home to you But instead I go into the glove box And take out the Parliaments that I fucking stole from you I've been thinking about the night that I drove away And I sat on the bed and I told you I loved you And I pulled the dog away And this same car that moved us in Brooklyn Three separate times Is filled to the brim with all of the shit That reminds me of our past life And here are the moments that I can't stop thinking about These are the moments that made us And I close my eyes and I turn to the right And I see that you've fallen asleep It feels like I'm driving back home to Montgomery Street I want to dial your number, go home to you But instead I go into the glove box And take out the Parliaments that I fucking stole from you

Two weeks was yesterday And my body has calmed down a bit But my toothaches stomach pains come in and out Here they are again On 86th I've got a friend and he's sick And we just got results that it's COVID I'd give anything to have a diagnosis Treat my symptoms, give me a fix It doesn't feel better as it just gets further I can't stop feeling like my heart's been murdered Walking along all these fucking tall buildings I look up and around, I'm in a breakup song city There's a visible difference in our night skies I convinced myself and everyone else you were a nice guy I tried to build a life where I could see the stars at night Spend the summers on a lake and the winters inside Yea I know I'm getting way ahead of myself It's only April and I'm on Christmas Eve Planning my text to you in my head It'll say "Tell the girls I said hey" How many plans do I have to reimagine How many times do you think this'll happen Adirondacks and Montreal and Ireland in the fall And I gotta sing that song I wrote about loving you It doesn't feel better as it just gets further I can't stop feeling like my heart's been murdered Walking along all these fucking tall buildings I look up and around, I'm in a breakup song city There's a visible difference in our night skies I convinced myself and everyone else you were a nice guy I tried to build a life where I could see the stars at night Spend the summers on a lake and the winters inside I can still hear the tone of your voice When you asked my mom what you should bring It was a nice little gesture and it let us pretend That you weren't a mess and you didn't offend But there was no pain you caused me as great as this It's like you had to break my whole nose just to fix it I'm more than uncomfortable, I'm more than unsatisfied I made you my everything I made you my life It doesn't feel better as it just gets further I can't stop feeling like my heart's been murdered Walking along all these fucking tall buildings I look up and around, I'm in a breakup song city There's a visible difference in our night skies I convinced myself and everyone else you were a nice guy I tried to build a life where I could see the stars at night Spend the summers on a lake and the winters inside

I haven't felt this way since I lost my first love It's the price that we pay for the bright shiny stuff Five years ago I thought it'd never let up And I wrote a whole album and it fits you like a glove I let all my friends go 'cause you felt like enough And I knew I was building A glass house for us If I text you I love you And you don't say it back Is your plan to let me realize That my cards have been stacked It's so much easier When you can blame the alcohol But you finally stopped drinking And it's not letting up at all The pattern's repeating I'm running out of answers I've been thinking 'bout the fantasy I created and planned for Some people come forever, and others come for reasons If we were meant to be together, it wouldn't change with the season And how can you stop loving in less than a week How can memories be wiped away like a tear on a cheek There were so many moments When I felt it wasn't right But I held onto your body because it got me through the night We were both here a week ago We made love in this house What scared you away What gave you an out It doesn't make sense People don't change that quickly I deserve an explanation Because it feels like you betrayed me It's so much easier When you can blame the alcohol But you finally stopped drinking And it's not letting up at all The pattern's repeating I'm running out of answers I've been thinking 'bout the fantasy I created and planned for Some people come forever, and others come for reasons If we were meant to be together, it wouldn't change with the season I texted your family I packed up their presents Leave them under the tree Let them know that I meant it That I loved their son And I tried so hard to Make him feel better I tried to heal his big bruise But I deserve a Sunday Without watching the door Wondering if there will be kisses When his bag hits the floor

You were always so critical of everything I did I was really gettin' sick of being talked to like a little kid When we asked you to build both of the queen size beds You just grunted and sulked, then you grabbed the tools - you always forced yourself to help You were never that excited when I came home from a trip I always greeted you like an excited little puppy, it was sick We had dinner at your friends, we had beers and I made small talk with the girls You said that's what you wanted - don't you see that we live in a wider world? I went to a concert to distract me from my mind And I sat with my sister with the light drained from eyes All I wanted was to hold your hand, I wanted to go back to the plan But do you remember Jade Bird? It could've been any band Because I cried the whole damn night into my sweaty cotton mask I asked you what you were feeling and I shouldn't have Because you sunk into it, used like me like a punching bag I guess I shouldn't have read your journal but I did Yea that one that I bought you because you needed it You wrote you were afraid of losing your partner and you did I never listened when you said you were selfish I went to a concert to distract me from my mind And I sat with my sister with the light drained from eyes All I wanted was to hold your hand, I wanted to go back to the plan But do you remember Jade Bird? It could've been any band Because I cried the whole damn night into my sweaty cotton mask I asked you what you were feeling and I shouldn't have Because you sunk into it, used like me like a punching bag But you were always something to look forward to - I adored you I tried to make myself quieter for you I tried to get a little smaller for you I wish I could have been shyer for you I wish I could've been a liar for you But the things that made me fall for you, boo Are the things that made you small for me, too My confidence with your solitude We were never gonna sing the same tune And if you hadn't been so mean to me soon I would have never ever left, that's for true If it had ended any better than that It was never gonna end I tried to make myself quieter for you I tried to get a little smaller for you I wish I could have been shyer for you I wish I could've been a liar for you But the things that made you fall for me, boo Are the things that made you small for me, too My confidence with your solitude We were never gonna sing the same tune And if you hadn't been so mean to me soon I would have never ever left, that's for true If it had ended any better than that It was never gonna end But do you remember Jade Bird? It could've been any band Because I cried the whole damn night into my sweaty cotton mask I asked you what you were feeling and I shouldn't have Because you sunk into it, used like me like a punching bag